Jumpsuits & my sequel to "The Graduate" 🎓
This newsletter doubles as a coupon for
20% off all loneliness and frustration.
a) My springtime uniform is a Dickies jumpsuit. Just zip me up and I'm ready to go!
b) I finished that Mike Nichols biography and give it my highest, shiniest recommendation. It's a beautiful reminder of the necessity of art and the brevity of life.
c) I rewatched HEARTBURN, WORKING GIRL and POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE this week, because when I read a book, I go all in. (Did you know Mandy Patinkin almost played the Jack Nicholson part in HEARTBURN? And Debbie Reynolds was sad she didn't get to play *herself* in POSTCARDS?)
d) I became SO entrenched in this book that I also wrote an opening scene for my imaginary sequel to THE GRADUATE. I've included it at the bottom of this newsletter. Feel free to act it out at home.
e) We had a blast on the "Holiday Squares" livestream with Dean Haspiel, Doug Brod, Amanda Conner, Tarik Davis, Dame Darcy, Jimmy Palmiotti and Ajay Naidu. Watch it on YouTube, subscribe, follow on Instagram, do the hokey pokey, etc. More videos and events coming soon.
f) A friend told me to get the book I WAS A TEENAGE BANSHEE by artist Sue Webster. This sucker'll inspire you to make a rock 'n' roll scrapbook.
g) This weekend I'm gonna read the Tom King/Jorge Fornés RORSHACH comic all the kids are raving about.
h) Oh hey, here's the banana bread recipe I've been passing off as my own for years. Sour cream ups the ante.
i) Riverby Books in Fredericksburg, Va., is one of my favorite used bookstores. Last year was tough for them, so consider buying a signed/rare/miniature/amazing book.
j) After watching this week's ep of the REAL WORLD reunion series, I wanna get a Norm rabbit painting.
I love this quote about Mike Nichols (and I'm the same way):
POST-GRAD: An opening scene for my imaginary sequel to THE GRADUATE
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What would a sequel to Mike Nichols' THE GRADUATE look like? In my mind, it's what I've written below...
OPENING SCENE
Through a large glass terrarium, we see a close-up of 40-something ELENA. We hear the voice of MARK, a book editor.
MARK
So Elena, your manuscript. It’s ... well, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, really.
ELENA
Really?
The camera pulls back to reveal a large snake coiled in the corner of the terrarium. Elena turns around and sits down across from Mark. He flips through pages.
MARK
I mean, the stories here--your father and your grandmother? And then what happened with your mother? It’s just, I mean ...
ELENA
It’s the stuff of movies.
MARK
It is. It really is.Â
Mark laughs but then stops himself, realizing it’s inappropriate.
MARK
Look. Elena. What you sent is beautifully written. It’s unconventional. And memoir is so hot right now.
ELENA
So you’re interested.
MARK
We are very interested. But it also seems like maybe ...
Elena has become fixated on a toy car on Mark’s desk. She pushes it around with her index finger.
ELENA
(looking at the car)
Maybe.
MARK
Maybe ... it’s not finished.
Elena flicks the car, and it falls off the desk.
ELENA
Not finished. In what way?
MARK
Well, after I read the whole thing, I felt like I had a pretty clear picture of your parents. Your grandmother, too, from the journals and the paintings and all. But Elena--
ELENA
I think I can guess where this is going.
Elena closes her eyes.
MARK
Elena, you sent me an incredible 432-page memoir. But 432 pages later, I still don’t know who you are. I know your father had an affair with your grandmother, your mother somehow married him anyway, and then--and then!--he somehow had ANOTHER affair with your grandmother after they had you.
ELENA
But who am I.
MARK
Exactly. Who are you?
Elena rubs her left thumb against her wedding band.
MARK
I love this book. I want this book. I want to see the movie version, watch the TV show, buy the strange little action figures.Â
ELENA
But it needs more.
MARK
Finish it, Elena. And then let’s meet again. OK?
Elena stands up. Mark, still seated, removes something from his desk drawer. He stands.
ELENA
Don’t worry, I know what to do. I have a plan.
MARK
I’m sure you do, Elena.
Mark shakes Elena’s hand. She notices that on his desk is a clear container with a white mouse inside. She gazes toward the terrarium and makes the horrific connection. As she walks away, she steps on the toy car and crushes it.
A song by The Slits plays.Â
The story begins.
Thanks for reading this week -- time for me to go solve some crimes and do some leg lifts. Holler at whitmath@gmail.com.
Diggin' up bones,
Chester Cheetah
"Instant gratification takes too long."
- Carrie Fisher
Reach out! Find me on Twitter, Instagram and at whitmath@gmail.com.